Network Kerfuffle

Of all the innumerable and embarrassingly public details of the infighting at NBC over its late-night lineup, the most curious to me is that Leno's poor ratings at 10 p.m. are unnaceptable to affiliates because they cause affiliates to lose viewers for their 11:00 news shows.

Are Americans really so lazy, are they such sorry slobs, that they choose their 11:00 local news based on which network had a better show on at 10:00? Can they not conjure up enough energy to click their remote controls when the news comes on? Presumably this means that most Americans will watch one local news show on Tuesday and a different one on Thursday, if they like different network fare on the different nights. Do they not develop preferences in news shows too?

I guess local news shows are just a commodity, like wheat or ibuprofen -- the product must be so standardized that it doesn't matter whom you buy it from. Which raises the even bigger question, why watch the local news anyway? Do you really need to know about every local crime and fire?

All You Need Is . . .

As faithful readers know, we get to relax from serious topics on weekends.

Blackberry commercials are generally pretty annoying, and it's somewhat dispiriting to see the Beatles' music used to hawk cell phones, but I will say that their latest commercials at least remind me what a great song "All You Need Is Love" is.

And here's the thing -- it all comes down to one note. It's the note on "need" the third time "all you need is love" comes around. The first two times the whole phrase is a monotone, but then the third time, it's different: "Need" is a half-step higher. Just half a step, but what a difference it makes, as a leading tone into the whole step up on "love." And it's a nice cover too, apparently by someone named Grayson Matthews.

I'm sticking with my Treo, but take a listen and appreciate the beauty of leading tones.

Civi Weirdness

Lots of heavy legal analysis this week, so we can take a moment out to ask what the heck is up with this weird Honda Civic ad? OK, it's cool that you tuned rumble strips to particular notes, so that the car plays a melody as it goes over them. But this has exactly what to do with the virtues of the car? Wouldn't any car make about the same notes? Am I supposed to like the car because you drove over a bunch of tuned rumble strips with it? I don't think that's going to happen.

And by the way, it doesn't sound anything like the William Tell Overture.

A Shoe to Throw

What I enjoy about the stories about the Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at President Bush is that they all take care to explain that "Throwing a shoe at someone is considered the worst possible insult in Iraq and is meant to show extreme disrespect and contempt" (Wash. Post) or "Hitting someone with a shoe is considered the supreme insult in Iraq." (NY Times). These explanations should be helpful to readers who imagined that in cultural context throwing the shoes was some kind of compliment ("You are so great that I give you my shoes!").

Really, though, it is interesting that a culture has such expressive gestures. What have we got? We have "not gesturing with all five fingers," as the President delicately put it, and there are even ruder hand gestures, but I can't think of anything as vivid. It seems we have a gesture gap.

Almost Perfect

Michael Phelps didn't break the world record in winning his 100m butterfly race -- not in speed, that is. He may have broken the record for incredible and dramatic finishes, winning by the length of his fingernails as he out-touched his opponent by 1/100 of a second.

But what I want to discuss today is the rendition of our National Anthem chosen for these games, which Phelps and his relay teammates have brought us 7 times now. It sounds easy to choose a recording of a song that's only 90 seconds, but really, rendering the anthem is a minefield of stylistic choices. I don't know who produced the recording that's being used for Beijing, but they did a fine job, with just one questionable choice.

The brassy opening, with the strings added at "whose broad stripes," is just what is wanted for this kind of event -- majestic, imposing, powerful, but not arrogant. It bespeaks confidence and satisfaction in victory, without getting in the face of the international crowd. Slow, rolling, with minimal ornamentation, the music says that we are great and proud and respectful all at once.

Things go somewhat wrong, in my view, as the rendition switches to stringy sentimentality in the "rockets red glare" section. Suddenly, we're all supposed to have tears in our eyes, and a little xylophone trill or some similar ornament added behind the word "air" is particularly sappy, like something out of a Disney movie.

Fortunately, this only lasts 20 seconds or so, less than a quarter of the recording, and then it's a return to majestic full orchestra for a clear run into the ending, at which point there's a surprise -- a three-note highlight on the last word, "brave." Now, ordinarily, I wouldn't like this kind of thing -- I can't abide the octave jump that's become common on the word "free" -- but somehow it works in this setting. It tells everyone that we are Americans, after all, and we have a little showmanship in everything we do.

With cheesiness on one side and excessive jingoism on the other, it isn't easy to play the anthem for the Olypmics. Nice job.