Sunday, October 21, 2007

Dumbledore Comes Out

Stop the presses -- it turns out the rumors are true, Albus Dumbledore is gay. He was in love with his great rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom he defeated in a duel years ago.

Fans have long suspected something was up with Dumbledore's sexuality, because there's no reference to a wife or even girlfriend in his past. But wait a minute . . . there's no spouse in the picture for any of the Hogwarts professors. Snape, McGonagall, Flitwick, Trelawney, Sprout -- why are none of them married? They all spend their Christmas at Hogwarts. Even Gilderoy Lockhart, the hearthrob of middle-aged witches everywhere, doesn't seem to have so much as a girlfriend. And you never hear about the spouse of any of the lesser professor characters or the other staff -- Vector, Binns (OK, he's a ghost), Grubbly-Plank, Hooch, Pomfrey the nurse, Filch the caretaker. All single. Hagrid's the only one who so much as goes out on a date, and of course he's not exactly a professor.

On behalf of professors of the world, I object to this slanderous portayal of professors! We have love interests too, you know. Did J.K. Rowling have a bad experience with her professors at school? Is she settling some old scores?

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